


Taken by Surprise

by Debs1990



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 23:45:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8180344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Debs1990/pseuds/Debs1990
Summary: While visiting Hogsmeade, Harry Potter and his friends decide to go to the Three Broomsticks and try out pick-up lines on Madam Rosmerta. Her reaction shocks them.





	

I smile as I say goodbye to one of my regulars. Business is booming at Hogsmeade due to the Hogwarts students visiting this weekend. A group of five boys walk in, looking fit to burst with laughter as they joke around. If I had to guess, I would say they were in their fifth or sixth year at Hogwarts. Four of the boys sit down at a nearby table while one of them walks towards the bar. He is a fairly short boy with sandy hair and sea blue eyes. He speaks with a distinct Irish accent.

"Five butterbeers please, Rosmerta." He grins cheekily at me and I smile back at him.

"Coming right up." I serve the drinks and tell him, "That will be ten sickles, please."

As he hands me the money, we overhear two young students talking. "I've been trying to get the hang of this Lumos Maxima, Mirabelle, but I'm really struggling."

"Don't worry, Iris. I'm sure you will get the hang of it soon."

The Irish boy looks at me with a wolfish grin. "You know, Rosmerta, you don't have to say, 'Lumos Maxima' to turn me on." My mouth drops open in surprise and I can't think of a word to say back to him. I want to tell him off for talking inappropriately to a woman who is old enough to be his mother, but the words are stuck in my throat as if they have been put there with super glue.

He is laughing at the look on my face and says, "I'm Seamus, by the way. See you later, Rosmerta." 'Seamus' puts the drinks on a tray and carries them to the table his friends are gathered around. I notice his friends are staring at me, looking amused. I curse as I think of how easily the teenage boy unsettled me.

"Pull yourself together, woman!" I tell myself. I am still seething when one of the other boys walks up to the bar, clearly being egged on by his companions. As he gets closer I notice it is Harry Potter. Good grief, I knew James and Lily when they were at Hogwarts, and here is their son trying out pick-up lines on me. James would be so proud, and Lily would be horrified.

Harry Potter avoids my attempt to make eye contact and starts talking in what he clearly thinks is a confident voice, but I could hear his nerves fighting to get out. "Hi, Rosmerta, do you know the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you…"

I finish the sentence for him, having heard that one a few times before. "Make me stiff. Really, Mr Potter? At least Seamus had originality and charm. Eye contact is very important and you also need to work on your confidence if you are going to come out with cheesy lines like that."

Harry Potter's mouth drops open, making him look rather gormless. "Close your mouth before you catch flies," I say, patting his cheeks.

He closes his mouth but still looks rather shocked. "Um, thank you, bye."

He walks back to the table and I struggle to hide my triumphant smile as I hear his friends teasing him.

"Really smooth, Potter. Remind me to get tips from you next time I want to pick-up a bird," I hear Seamus say.

"Oh, shut up you lot. I don't see you three getting up and having a go."

Seamus laughs. "He's got a point there."

The students at the table next to them leave and I walk over to collect the glasses. I can feel 5 pairs of eyes on me as I pick the glasses up, and one of the boys, who I recognise as Ron Weasley, asks me a question.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" The other boys snort at this, but I know what he means. I usually never wear skirts or dresses as I much prefer trousers. I have always suspected that the youngest Weasley boy had a bit of a crush on me if it's not too arrogant of me to say so, but I didn't know he paid that much attention to me when he was in here.

I can't resist catching his eye and showing off my most dazzling smile. "Don't you think it shows off my fabulous legs, Mr Weasley?" A stunned silence descends on the table, and Ron Weasley's face is a picture, seeming to turn all the colours of the rainbow before settling on pink. His eyes flicker down to look at my legs and If I didn't know any better I would say he's been hit by the Petrificus Totalus spell that Harry Potter had talked about earlier. A full two minutes pass and he finally snaps out of it when Seamus waves a hand in front of his eyes. I walk closer until I am standing behind Ron Weasley.

Enjoying myself immensely, I look down and see a Daily Prophet article about a troll spotted not far from Hogsmeade. Inspiration strikes and I break the silence. "Want to learn how to speak Troll? I can get you grunting in no time," .

Ron Weasley tries to stifle a low groan unsuccessfully, Seamus laughs and I hear the other boy whose name I don't know murmuring, "I bet you can." Harry Potter doesn't know where to look and Neville Longbottom chokes on his butterbeer. Ron gets up abruptly while Harry pats Neville on the back.

"I'll be back in a minute," Ron mutters in a pained voice as he makes a mad dash to the gentleman's toilets. The other boys laugh and I walk smugly back to the bar.

"I have a feeling he'll be longer than a minute," Seamus snorted.

Harry laughed "He's never going to live this one down."

* * *

Ron Weasley eventually makes his way out of the toilets and walks over to the table, downing his butterbeer and ignoring his friend's snorts. "Right, shall we make a move then?" His friends nod and start finishing their drinks off as well.

As they walk towards the door I call out to them. "Goodbye, boys. Come here again next time you're in Hogsmeade, won't you?" They all nod and avoid my gaze as they walk out. I cackle to myself when they are gone. "I've still got it."


End file.
